Sometimes it’s the people closest to us that we struggle to get along with the most. Maybe it’s because they are the people we spend the most time with, see the worst of, and can get away from least. All of us would say we want to have healthier relationships with our family, but sometimes, it’s hard to imagine how to even begin that process. Because our families have broken people just like us, it’s not wonder we find them in conflict. In the first week of our series, we look at what the Bible has to say about our families and focus in on the steps we can take to improve our marriages and our relationships with our kids.



Your first calling is to your family

  • It’s the first organization God created
  • Each generation is responsible to create an environment of love, safety and godliness for the next generation.


  • The Bible is FILLED with instructions on how to create healthy family relationships because it’s so important, TO WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU BECOME
    • “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” 1 Pet 3:7


There are two family relationships we’ll look at today: Husbands/Wives, Parents/Kids



Eph 5:21

  • What’s the first task in a healthy, Biblical marriage?
  • Submitting to each other.

Big Deal: Written at a time in history when women did not have ANY rights. They were property. God inspires Paul to bring women up on equal footing with men.

  • “…she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.” 1 Pet 3:7
  • “Submit” is to yield, to defer to another person
  • You both matter to God equally and are beloved.
  • So treat each other that way.


Eph 5:22-23

  • Whatever this means, must look like Christ leading the church
  • ‭‭Jn‬ ‭13:14-15‬
  • Mt ‭20:25-28‬


This isn’t about importance or quality.

  • It’s about responsibility
  • In the same way that Christ takes responsibility for the church and offers himself in service (and sacrifice) for the church, the husband must do the same.
  • Eph 5:24-25
  • Who does God hold accountable to set the example?
  • Who is called to forgive first, serve first, reconcile first, love first, and give first?
  • WHY? Because Jesus did all of these things first


Eph 5:31-33

  • Husbands, love (give, serve, sacrifice) your wife
  • Wives, respect your husband
  • Husbands, earn it!
  • Wives, give it!

‭‭1Cor‬ ‭7:1-16‬

We’re not all married but we all have parents. Some are biological and some are not. You may have an aunt/uncle or a grandparent who raised you. You may have been adopted.


Here’s what King Solomon said about this…

Pro 6:20-23

Kids, yield (submit) to your parent’s leadership (responsibility). 

  • Just as God calls spouses to humble themselves and put the other person first, he is calling kids to do the same thing.
  • Let them lead you. Let them care for you and counsel you.
  • Promise: Eph 6:1-3
  • Children, obey. Adults, honor.

Parents, this assumes you are actively involved in their lives.

  • Available to give direction, instructions, life lessons, conversations
  • Deut 6:5-9
    • Show me where God calls you to get your kid into the best college, the highest paying job, onto the starting squad
    • I wonder if we’re wasting most of our moments preparing them for everything EXCEPT the rest of their entire existence in eternity!
    • Use these other things as a common ground for the most important things
  • Eph 6:4
  • 0-7: Discipline  7-14: Train  14-19: Coach 19-on: Mentor
  • We run into serious problems when mix this up


NOTE: We don’t serve, honor, lead, sacrifice, or obey because the other person deserves it. WHY? Because these relationships don’t exist to serve me or my agenda. God placed me in relationship with others for my holiness, not my happiness.

My joy is found, not in controlling the people around me but, in the God who guides, controls, blesses my life in relationship with the people around me.

  • I serve my wife when she’s selfish because it reminds me that God serves me when I’m selfish. That produces humility in me.
  • I defer to the needs of my children and interact with them in tenderness and boldness because it reminds me that God is tender even in the bold things he asks of me. That produces godly obedience in me.
  • I honor and respect my parents, as an adult, because all they have done, both good and bad, reminds me how God has steered every event in my life toward his purposes for me. That produces gratitude in me.


I don’t focus on how to make my family what I want them to be. I am called by God to focus on BEING the kind of family member I want them to be. Whether they respond or not.


What example of Jesus am I setting for my spouse?
What example of Jesus am I setting for my family?

Ask Yourself: What can I do to better reflect Jesus to my wife, husband, kids, parents?