YOU DON’T COMPLETE ME: WHY IS MARRIAGE SO HARD

March 2, 2025

INTRODUCTION

• “Marriage is complex, and for many, it feels like survival mode rather than thriving.”
• The big question: “If marriage is supposed to be this beautiful, God-designed union, why does it feel so difficult?”

THE PROBLEM WITH MARRIAGE

1️⃣ THE WRONG MANUFACTURER

• “Marriage isn’t the problem.”
• “Instead of going to the designer—God—we go to culture to tell us how marriage should work.”
• Culture’s false messages:
  • “Marriage should be about my happiness”
  • “Marriage is fueled by passion”
  • “Marriage should look picture-perfect”

2️⃣ SIN ENTERS THE SCENE

[Genesis 2:23-24] “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.'” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

• “God creates man and then takes a part of his side, not to complete him, but to symbolize that she is right for him”

[Genesis 3:16] “Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”

• “Because of sin, she will try to control him and he will rule over her.”
• “Despite the feelings of elation when we get married, Scripture reveals that we start from a deficit.”
• “A marriage is only as healthy as the two people in it.”

3 PRINCIPLES FROM GOD’S DESIGN

1️⃣ MARRIAGE THRIVES AS A COVENANT, NOT A CONTRACT

Contract vs. Covenant:

• Contract: “I’ll love you as long as you do your part.”
• Covenant: “I will, even when you don’t.”
• “When we see marriage as a covenant, not a contract, it changes the way we respond in difficult moments.”

2️⃣ MARRIAGE THRIVES WITH SERVING, NOT SELFISHNESS

• “Selfishness will kill our marriage”

[Ephesians 5:21-25] “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

• Key principle: Submit to one another; husbands lead through sacrifice, not dominance.
• “A marriage where each spouse looks to serve the other rather than self-serve, will thrive.”

3️⃣ MARRIAGE THRIVES ON A FOUNDATION, NOT FEELINGS

• “Feelings play a role, but they have to play the right role.”

Priorities in Marriage:

• Driver seat: God (His commands, character, will)
• Passenger seat: Your will (determination)
• Back seat: Your emotions (they shouldn’t drive)

[Matthew 7:24-27] “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

• “If we build our marriage on feelings, they will change. But if we build our marriage on Christ, it will stand firm.”
• “Don’t try to be a good husband and a good wife. Your goal is to be a godly man and a godly woman.”
• “Is Christ the center of my marriage, or just an add-on?”

APPLICATION: TAKING NEXT STEPS

• Identify ONE area where you need to grow in your marriage.
• “Your marriage didn’t get here overnight, and it won’t change overnight.”
• For those whose spouse isn’t reciprocating: “When you love or respect unconditionally, you are following God and His will for you.”
• “Your marriage exists for God’s glory first, and your benefit second.”
• “Choose covenant over contract, service over selfishness, and a foundation on Christ rather than feelings.”

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