[Ephesians 5:15-17]

“So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.”

[Ephesians 5:22-25, 31-33]

“And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her… As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”  This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must
respect her husband.”

“Traditionally, the image has been seen as the capacities that set man apart from the other animals – ways in which humans resemble God, such as in the characteristics of reason, morality, language, a capacity for relationships goverened by love and commitment, and creativity in all forms of art. All these insights can be put together by observing that the resemblences allow mankind to represent God in ruling, and to establish worthy relationships with God, with one another, and with the rest of creation.”
⁃ ESV Study Bible

So what does this mean for singles?

Whatever season you are in, is God enough? Or are you looking for something else

What are the boundaries for dating?

[2 Corinthians 6:14]

“Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?”

[1 Timothy 5:1-2]

“Never speak harshly to an older man, but appeal to him respectfully as you would y to your own father. Talk to younger men as you would to your own brothers. Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women, with all purity, as you would your own sisters.”

What if we’re engaged?

“The dissolution rate of cohabitating couples is four times higher than married couples who did not cohabitate before marriage” – National Library of Medicine

What about Divorce?

“The precipitating causes of divorce have also changed over time. Prior to no-fault divorce laws, the legal procedures for obtaining a divorce were often difficult and expensive, so that only the most dysfunctional marriages ended in divorce. Children who are removed from the most dysfunctional environments are more likely to do better after the divorce. However, with the introduction of no-fault divorce laws, it is likely that the child has not experienced severe levels of parental discord, so the divorce has more adverse effects on the child.”
⁃ National Library of Medicine

“Divorce adversely affects society by
1. Diminishing the child’s future competence.
2. Weakening the family structure.
3. Contributing to early sexual experimentation leading to increased costs for society.
4. Adversely affecting religious practice—divorce diminishes the frequency of religious worship.
5. Diminishing a child’s learning capacity and educational attainment.
6. Reducing the household income.
7. Increasing crime rates and substance use, with associated societal and
governmental costs (Waite and Gallagher 2000).
8. Increasing risk for school suspensions, “Persons in Need of Supervision” status,
binge drinking, and marijuana use (Demuth and Brown 2004; Eckenrode, Mrcynyszyn,
and Evans 2008; Osborne, Manning, and Stock 2007).
9. Increasing emotional and mental health risks, including suicide.”

“There are clearly negative long-term consequences of divorce—children, parents, and society all suffer. Wallerstein’s long-term study shows that many children never have full “recovery” as each special event, holiday, or celebration reminds the child of his/her loss. Given these tremendous costs borne by all individuals affected by divorce, as well as the costs to society, it is the responsibility of physicians—especially pediatricians, who care for children in the context of their families—to advocate for public health policies that promote marriage and decrease the likelihood of divorce.”
⁃ National Library of Medicine

In the OT there are two distinct words translated into English as “divorce”

• “Put away”, Malachi 2:6, “For I hate divorce! Says the Lord, the God of Israel. To
divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty, says the Lord of heavens
armies. So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”

• A husband could send his wife out and she would be destitute, to become a
beggar or prostitute. God HATES that!

• “Divorce”, [Deuteronomy 24:1] “ suppose a man marries a woman, but she does not please him. Having discovered something wrong with her, he writes a document of divorce, hand it to her, and since you’re away from his house.“

• In this case she is free to remarry and start a new family
• I believe, this is the first time in history that protections for women were
codified

• In the NT there are only two exceptions that allow for divorce

• [Matthew 5:31-32] “You’ve heard the law that says, a man can divorce his wife, by merely giving her a written notice of divorce. But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorce woman also commits adultery.”

• Adultery is one of the reasons you may be divorced

• [1 Corinthians 7:15] “ what is the husband or wife, who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases, the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.”

• If one comes to faith and the other no longer wants to be married, a divorce is allowed

• In any case where divorce is allowed, remarriage is also allowed

• What if I’m already divorced and remarried? We can’t change the past and,
thankfully, we have a gracious God. Keep THIS marriage!

A Word to Those Who Are Married

[1 Corinthians 7:3-7]

“The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.  Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from intimacy for a limited time, so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again, so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this, as a concession, not as a command. But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, and one kind or another.”

“Since both the headship role of a husband and the submission role as a wife are servant roles, one can always begin to serve without waiting for permission.” ⁃ Tim and Kathy Keller

“Before a man and woman can live out the unique roles of headship and submission in a biblical and gracious way, they must experience what it means to build their lives on the vertical experience of God’s forgiveness and justification and promise help, and then bend it out horizontally to their spouse.”
⁃ John Piper

[1 Corinthians 7:10-11]

“But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else be reconciled to him. And the husband must not
leave his wife.”

[John 4:39-41]

Many Samaritans from the village believed in Jesus because the woman had said, “He told me everything I ever did!” When they came out to see him, they begged him to stay in their village. So he stayed for two days, long enough for many more to
hear his message and believe.

“I am no more able to cognitively explain grace than I was when my heart first experienced it. Maybe God doesn’t care if you can explain it. Maybe instead of cognitively getting it, maybe god just wants you to experience it. Instead of being able to draw a graph to explain how it works; in a pile of brokenness we might walk in it.” – Matt Chandler

Application Questions

1. What stood out to you from this message and why?
2. What is one thing God is telling you to START doing because of this message?
3. What is one thing God is telling you to STOP doing because of this message?
4. How will this message change how you act at home, at work, and in your relationships?