It’s hard to build great, close knit friendships as adults. Maybe we’re just busy. Or maybe we’ve been hurt in the past. But for many of us, our best friendships are in the past and not in the present. Loneliness is reported to be a major issue in our culture from all age groups, yet we still find making new close friends very difficult. In today’s teaching, we are going to talk about why the Bible says having close friends is so important, not only for your mental and physical health but your spiritual health. We tend to become like the people closest to us and if you did become more like those closest, how would your life be different? Would you be closer to God or further away?



Cigna Health funded a study that found there is an “epidemic” of loneliness in our country.

– 46% reported sometimes or always feeling alone

– 48.3% of 18-22 yrs olds

– 45% of Millenials (23-37)

– 45% of Gen X (38-51)

– 38% of Boomers (52+)

According to study done in the UK, loneliness is the #1 fear of Millenials. 42% ranked being afraid of loneliness than even cancer.

Health Resources & Services Administration (,

  • Loneliness can be as damaging to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day!
  • Conversely, friendships reduce the risk of mortality or developing certain diseases and can speed recovery in those who fall ill.
  • Poor social relationships were associated with 29% increased risk in coronary heart disease and 32% higher risk of stroke

Another poll: most people have 3 actual friends

  • 82% – hard to find lasting friends
  • Average adult in America hasn’t made a new friend in five years.

We WANT close friends but it’s hard. So, many of us are lonely.


Listen to what Solomon says about being successful in every other area of your life BUT healthy relationships…

This is the case of a man who is all alone, without a child or a brother, yet who works hard to gain as much wealth as he can. But then he asks himself, “Who am I working for? Why am I giving up so much pleasure now?” It is all so meaningless and depressing. Eccl. 4:8

Tim Ferriss says that you are the average of your five closest friends. And some of you need to raise your average. The five people you spend the most time with. And if we are all going to be honest, the truth is…we could raise our average a little bit.

MY Squad: Danny & Paco: best friends since 1988. We’re still best friends because we’ve done a few things right. We’re still married, still following Jesus, still providing for our families, because we’ve done a few things right.

  • THIS is what we want to talk about in this series

Here’s why this matters!
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

You are GOING to fall. You’ve got to have someone who CAN pick you.


11 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4:11-12

You are GOING to be attacked, in every part of your life. You’ve got to have someone STRONG, who has your back.

We all want this, right? But it comes at a price…
Even the hardest parts of a great friendship are better than not having that friend at all. Because in a great friendship, you’re able to be honest. You’re able to be vulnerable. You’re able to trust someone enough that they call you out on your crap.

It takes courage to build extraordinary friendships.
True friendship means being vulnerable. It means you have to open up and give someone access to the parts of your life you don’t show everyone.

  • Who do you have like that?
  • We keep everyone up on the surface so no one sees anything underneath.

Our friendships don’t do for us what God intended because it’s easier to keep everyone at a distance. So we’ll still claim that person from HS is our best friend even they know nothing about our lives now.

  • This is easier than opening up.
  • We want to hide

Why do we hide?

Because if they really knew the real you… what?

We put up these walls, out of…shame? Fear?

  • Adam and Eve did this too.
  • It’s a natural response, just not a healthy one

It takes time to build extraordinary friendships.
This doesn’t happen overnight.

Just like any important relationship in life. You have to invest in it.

  • I think that’s why some of our closest relationships are the people we work with, not the people we worship with.
  • Why? Because we are getting paid to invest our time into being around each other. So the people we’re closest to, often don’t share our faith or our values.
  • The danger in that, is that we live spiritually isolated lives.

Listen to what Solomon says about the span of time – relationships…
10 Never abandon a friend – either yours or your father’s. When disaster strikes, you won’t have to ask your brother for assistance. It’s better to go to a neighbor than to a brother who lives far away. Proverbs 27:10

You put in the time now and you won’t have to go out and find people to help you. They are already there.

Why does this matter?

Your closest friends shape who you become.

  • Who are your 2 or 3 closest friends? If you were to become MORE like them, would that bring you closer to Jesus or push you farther away?
  • God takes this so seriously, that he would let the disciples go out alone
  • He tells us, in the Bible, to distance ourselves from those who would cause us to drift.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, we give you this command in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ: Stay away from all believers who live idle lives and don’t follow the tradition they received from us. 2 Thes 3:6


It’s not that you can’t be friends with those who are not Christians. It’s about being wise with the access you give to those closest to you.

This series is not about you replacing all of your friends. This series is about you being more intentional about choosing your closest friends.

17 As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. Pro 27:1

  • Who is sharpening you? Who is helping you grow in your faith?
  • If you’re married, what godly married couple do you spend time with?
  • If you’re single, what godly single friends do you open up to?
  • If you’re in high school, what friends can you “leave” the party with?
  • What friend has permission to say hard things to you?

An open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy. Proverbs 27:5-6

That’s what this series is all about. Finding the friend that sharpens you. Not just the friend that keeps you company.

  • Who is the friend that helps push you?
  • The friend that helps you to grow in your faith.
  • The friend that looks out for your marriage.
  • The friend that makes sure you don’t burnout, dropout, give up, or walk away.

Not every friend can be this. But some friend has got to be this.



Can I ask how you’re doing?

  • Who has permission/access to the personal part of who you are?
  • Who is close enough to see when you’re discouraged/struggling?
  • Who feels they have permission to tell you to take a break and get counseling?
  • Who is comfortable enough (Or who would you be most comfortable with) to ask you, on the spot, if they can pray with/for you?
  • Who are you growing with, as a man/husband/son/brother/Christian? Woman/wife/daughter/sister/Christian?

Are you WILLING to be that for one or two people?

Do you HAVE that with one or two people?

Can I ask you to ask God for that person? To become that person for someone else?

It’ll take two things: Courage and Time

  • Commit to God that you will prioritize BOTH

In this series, we are going to ask you to start meeting regularly with one or two friends that are committed to doing this with you.

  • Friends that are committed to honesty and vulnerability.
  • A Friend who is committed to helping you and looking out for you.
  • A friend that will challenge you to grow as a man of God
  • A friend that will watch your back and keep you going.